Musings & I-Deas

Massage Parlor Girl

2009-11-22T10:58:00.000-08:00

Massage Parlor Girl

You that work all day for me

Pleasuring others,

I wish i could release you

From duty, to pleasure me.

Fall

2009-10-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

Trees, mostly EverGreen,

So that you see Fall through Fruit,

Promise of New Life,

After Death of Winter,

Come Spring, Season of Rebirth.

Kyle XY vs Jessi XX

2009-08-29T02:05:00.001-07:00

I definitely feel like

I was grown in a pod

Until very recently;

I wish I was more like Kyle,

But I find myself too often

Coming across as Jessi.

Vertigo

2009-08-29T02:01:00.000-07:00

Vertigo is

The feeling that you get

When you stare

Into the abyss,

Into its fathomless depths,

And it stares

Right back at you,

Right into your eyes,

And beckons.

Being vs Doing

2009-08-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

In life

You have to choose

Between

Being

And

Doing:

Being:

Abstracting yourself

Into the

World within,

Focusing yourself

On the conundrums

Of identity;

Doing:

Leaving a mark

On the world

Around you,

Loosing yourself

In the dramas

Of action.

2009-08-29T01:54:00.000-07:00

I am a species of one:

I live:

By myself,

With myself,

Unto myself,

For myself.

My inner life is paramount:

Thoughts and feelings,

Mental conflicts,

Turbulent emotions.

I also lead

My own private life:

My own personal rituals,

Going to the places that I love

All by my lonesome.

Consuming consumer culture:

Reading,

Devoting myself

To the pursuit of knowledge

And perchance wisdom

Or learning about life

Through Story;

Listening to music,

Pandering to my delicate sensitivity

Or as catharsis to my oft turbulent emotions;

Watching multimedia,

Living vicariously

Lives pared down to their essentials

And distilled to Story;

Even interactive multimedia,

Where I become other beings

And experience outlandish adventures.

And

Enjoying

Being:

Being where I am,

Doing what I am doing,

Savoring life’s

Simple private pleasures,

Or just plain Being.

I lead

A very limited social life,

Very limited indeed;

I have never managed to build

A social persona,

And never developed the perception

Of how the Other perceives me;

Most of all,

I have never been able to make allowances

For how the other perceives me to change me;

To influence how I act,

To influence who I am;

I can’t help

Being who I am

And act accordingly.

My constructed reality,

The way that I perceive the world,

Is very bleak indeed:

With very few remarkable exceptions,

The world is peopled by monsters,

For a Monster is how I perceive the Other;

(And the exceptions

Are angels or

Outright incarnate gods and / or goddesses)

In such a black and white world

Either you are

With me

Against me,

You are either

Part of the solution

Part of the problem,

Part of the cure

Part of the disease.

Either

An ally:

A haven,

Providing

Comfort and solace,

Encouragement and support,

Affection and tenderness,

Friendship and / or love;

An enemy:

A monster,

Providing

Molesting bullying,

Mocking discrimination,

Tyrannical oppression,

Loathing and / or hate.

Because

I have often been persecuted,

Because I am different,

Because I am alone.

But, seldom,

I have found refuge,

And I was accepted,

And I was accompanied.

Knowing all this about me

Which one are you?

An ally?

An enemy?

Now it is up to you,

Now the ball is on your court.

Feiticeira da Lua

2009-08-28T03:39:00.000-07:00

Feiticeira da lua,

Tu encarnas na tua pessoa.

Canalizas a sua presença,

Serves de conduta ao seu poder,

De receptáculo à sua energia,

De veiculo às suas dádivas;

A Deusa Lua,

Pálida irmã gémea

Do Deus Sol trigueiro,

Toda de prata e de mercúrio

Onde ele é ouro e cobre.

A Deusa Lua,

Feita de grácil subtileza,

Passividade que comanda,

Artifícios femininos

Que dão a ilusão de controlo.

Onde o seu irmão Deus Sol

É todo pujança arrogante

E um carisma opressor e tirânico,

Frontalidade masculina que comanda

Pelo exercício directo de vontade.

Feiticeira da lua,

Tu teces os feixes de luar em

Tapeçarias diáfanas mas infrangíveis

Que definem e circunscrevem

O destino dos homens.

Feiticeira da lua,

Tu usas o crescente da lua

Como um anzol inexorável

Com o qual capturas para a eternidade

O coração dos homens

Feiticeira da lua

A lua que é o teu totem

Regula com as suas metamorfoses

Os ciclos profundos dos corpos das mulheres,

Segredos misteriosos e sagrados,

Sede do seu terrível mas subtil poder.

Feiticeira da lua

A lua que é o teu totem

Regula com as suas metamorfoses

Os ciclos turbulentos dos corações das mulheres,

Fonte da sua perigosa imprevisibilidade,

Que as torna carentes de constante avaliação.

2009-08-28T03:38:00.001-07:00

A noção, essa, estava

Perdida, esquecida e abandonada

Num qualquer ermo

Remoto, distante e longínquo,

Lá onde

Os quintos do inferno

Fazem esquina com

O infinito.

2009-08-28T03:37:00.001-07:00

Like a ruthless rider

Heedless of the well-being

Of his hapless mount

Rides it hard and pushes it

Till it drops I pushed myself.

2009-08-28T03:36:00.002-07:00

Três criancinhas

Serenamente dormem

Na paz dos anjos,

Enquanto em seu redor

Chinfrim da festa reina.

2009-08-28T03:36:00.001-07:00

Um deus e uma

Deusa manifestam-se

Na minha vida;

Chegam com profecias

De esperança, alento.

2009-08-28T03:35:00.001-07:00

In NAMASTÊ I

Found tranquility, a small

Measure of sought peace.

It was second home to me,

In there I found family.

2009-08-28T03:34:00.001-07:00

When she gives you her

Attention, you feel warmth and light,

Just like a searchlight.

You also feel scanned by

A tricorder, so probing.

2009-08-28T03:33:00.002-07:00

When she smiles at you

Is like she harnessed the sun

Into a flashlight

And turned it on and pointed

It and focused it on you.

2009-08-28T03:33:00.001-07:00

I just love the way

Your whole face just crinkles up

Whenever you smile.

It lights up just like the sun,

Radiates out light and warmth.

2009-08-28T03:32:00.001-07:00

Pose terra a terra dotada,

É com pragmatismo contemplada;

Asneiras somente não comporta,

Tolos simplesmente não suporta;

Pelos seus nomes chama as coisas,

Pois elas são o que são, as coisas;

Não tem medo de nada, ousada,

Bem consigo própria, confiada;

Os outros tal como são aceita,

Tudo lhe é natural, inata;

De muito amor às gentes capaz,

De um vero interesse capaz;

Bem prestável com quem precisa é,

Muito dada a de quem gosta é.

2009-08-28T03:31:00.001-07:00

Superficial pareces, só que

Tens insondável profundidade;

Superfície, tudo transparece.

Tens cara muito expressiva que

Está sempre em mudança permanente;

Tens um sorriso radioso que

Toda a tua cara envolve.

Como vulcão em forte erupção,

Tens insondável profundidade;

Superfície, tudo transparece.

2009-08-28T03:30:00.001-07:00

Just like an angel,

Maybe an elfish princess,

You gave me comfort;

This place was like a haven

To me, island of the blessed.

2009-08-28T03:28:00.002-07:00

Que tenhas escolhido aterrar,

Afortunado acho-me eu,

No mesmo tempo e sitio que eu.

Tu viajaste no tempo e no

Espaço e através de várias

Encarnações; visitas-te várias

Partes, foste peixe e pássaro.

Tu proporcionaste-me conforto;

Afortunado acho-me eu,

No mesmo tempo e sitio que eu.

2009-08-28T03:28:00.001-07:00

She is of heaven,

He is of earth; they complement

Each other nicely.

He grounds and tethers her,

She enables him to fly.

Um casal de pinguins

2009-08-28T03:26:00.000-07:00

Na vastidão vazia e gelada

Do seu meio ambiente natural;

A sua gordura e cobertura,

Verdadeiro casaco, de penas,

Mantêm-nos quentes

Individualmente

A cada um.

Mas o seu amor,

Laço que os une

Para a vida inteira,

Aquece o par

Como casal.

Juntos e revezando-se

Prestam cuidados desmesurados

Aos seus ovos, depois suas crias;

E assim aquecem-se

Como família.

Na vastidão vazia e gelada

Do seu meio ambiente natural;

Os pinguins são um marco

Do triunfo do calor.

2009-08-28T03:24:00.000-07:00

Pessoa muito maternal tu és

E muito feminina também és;

Tu tens empatia e compaixão

E intuição e compreensão;

Tu gostas de cuidar das pessoas,

Toda a liberdade respeitas;

Chegar ao potencial é meta,

O teu e o de quem te rodeia.

2009-08-28T03:23:00.002-07:00

You are so like an

Albatross; a bird of the

Ocean, wide open

Horizon where you fly free;

Yet you form bonds for all life.

2009-08-28T03:23:00.001-07:00

Celestial é a tua aura,

Olhar, expressão algo vaga,

Quem está pouco preso à terra,

Cuja alma o céu sempre lembra.

2009-08-28T03:20:00.000-07:00

Cold, empty and grey,

That is what my life feels like:

12 months of winter;

Dreary overcast grey sky

And numbing constant drizzle.

2009-08-28T03:19:00.000-07:00

Without sin I was

Banished to the far far north:

Inhospitable land,

Barren wastes of white and cold,

Inimical to life.

2009-08-28T03:18:00.000-07:00

I feel I am cursed:

Diminishing returns is

What I always get

The harder I try to keep

Someone I love in my life.

2009-08-28T03:17:00.002-07:00

The garden of love:

Lush green grass and wide frond trees,

Colorful flowers;

Buxom women shower love.

Though I have never been there…

2009-08-28T03:17:00.001-07:00

Loss is the short sword

That has pierced my heart with pain

Time and time again.

For me not the joy to have,

Only the sharp pain of loss.

2009-08-28T03:16:00.001-07:00

Dark and cold and void

Reaches of the outer space stretch

To infinity.

My inner space has come to

Resemble the outer space.

2009-08-28T03:15:00.001-07:00

The summation of

My life is very small indeed;

Consummation of

Desire something that has more

Often than not eluded me.

2009-08-28T03:14:00.001-07:00

Black Phoebe is my

Girl, though mine she is not at

All, for she has shown

Herself to be in the end

The unobtainable girl.

2009-08-28T03:13:00.001-07:00

Desolate landscape,

Empty flat, glaring white, plain;

Heavy, bitter cold.

A mind where nothing happens,

A heart where nobody lives.

2009-08-28T03:11:00.002-07:00

As the tide comes up;

Water rises in foreplay,

Sand moans in relief;

The two lovers reunite,

Hesitate as reacquaint.

2009-08-28T03:11:00.001-07:00

When the tide is low,

The sun and air both bake dry

Sand once embraced wet;

Sand thirsts for water’s caress,

Water can but reach with yearn.

2009-08-28T03:10:00.001-07:00

As the tide goes down;

Water comes and goes, lingers;

Sand sighs in accord;

Water hesitates to go,

Sand still grasps but is resigned.

2009-08-28T03:09:00.001-07:00

As the tide goes down;

Water still flows in, ebbs out;

Sand sighs in accord;

Water lingers, hesitates,

Sand still grasps but is resigned.

2009-08-28T03:06:00.000-07:00

When the tide is up;

Sand and water reunite,

Frolic and cavort;

Intermingle eagerly

In turbulent ecstasy.

2009-08-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

Most people

Feel as if

They are entitled

To the world

I do not

I feel like a guest

Who has outstayed

His welcome,

Who was not welcome

In the first place

Like a stranger

In a strange land

Like an illegal alien

Forever afraid

Of the MIGRA

Like a human

Awake aware

In the matrix

Clandestine

Forever afraid

That the person next to him

Will incorporate

An agent

Who will either

Destroy me

Incorporate me

Assimilate me

Like a human being

After judgment day

Alone

Clandestine

Without the support

Of the resistance

Helpless and vulnerable

To the terminators

Without the support

Of fellow humans

Afraid

Constantly

That a machine will come

And terminate me

Like a lone starship

From an alien species

Who has not joined the federation

At the mercy of the BORGS

Who

If they ever find me

Will assimilate me

Like a bomber pilot

Shot down

Having fallen

Without parachute

In Germany

Every peasant an enemy

Willing to rat me out to the Gestapo

Who will put me in prison

And worst

Without hope of rescue

From the resistance

Like a fighter pilot

Shot down

In the jungles of Vietnam

Over Charlie country

And VC is out to get me

And even the environment

The jungle

Is hostile

Like a cavalry soldier

Separated from his regiment

Lost in Indian Territory

And the redskins are out to get me

If they capture me

They’ll torture me

The sun is high

Scorching

And the water in my canteen is low

Like a tourist

In a foreign country

Don’t speak the language

Don’t know the ways

And people there

Hate foreigners

Which they know I am

Just by looking at me

Like an alien

On this earth

Where even

The atmosphere

The environment

Is hostile

And I have to wear

A pressurized suit

Bring my own

Food and drink

Just to survive

And people there

Are extremely xenophobe

If they get me…

Desabafo 2

2009-07-30T16:57:00.000-07:00

and why oh why is it so hard to brave accross the gulf between me and a stranger, to befriend her, or more...

Desabafo 1

2009-07-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

why oh why do i keep consigning myself to the role of watcher, outside looking in...

clouds

2009-07-30T12:49:00.001-07:00

Soft small pale white clouds

Sparse scattered across the sky

Just accentuate

The stark emptiness of the

Translucent turquoise blue sky.

heat

2009-07-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

There reigns a cruel heat;

The sky is drearily blue,

Devoid of any clouds.

Thus vacant is now my heart,

Lacking in any object.

calor

2009-07-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

Está um calor

Opressor, o céu de um

Maçudo azul.

Assim o meu coração,

Carente de objectos.

Espaço sideral.

2009-07-30T12:46:00.000-07:00

Espaço sideral.

Infinito desprovido de substância, calor e luz.

Vácuo absoluto.

Temperatura a zero absoluto.

Negro absoluto.

O espaço sideral interestelar.

2009-07-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

O espaço sideral interestelar.

Infinito vazio desprovido de substancia, de calor e até de luz.

Vácuo absoluto.

Temperatura a zero absoluto.

Negro absoluto.

I am haunted by many ghosts;

2009-07-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

I am haunted by many ghosts;

And yet, sometimes,

Me myself I feel like I am a ghost.

Nobody sees me or knows I exist,

Nobody takes notice of me,

I am in general invisible;

Yet sometimes all too noticeable,

Capable to startle and cause fright;

Insubstantial in general

Yet all too present sometimes;

People can look right through me,

Then suddenly recoil.

I make no attachments with people,

And yet

Form connections with places,

So that over and over again

I go to such places to haunt them.

To people,

I am just a face in the crowd:

Invisible,

Unnoticeable,

Forgettable;

And so they are.

Except for those who are sensitive;

In those I cause strong impressions.

Adrift in the Sidereal space

2009-07-30T06:14:00.002-07:00

Adrift in the

Sidereal space,

Lost in the

Space between the stars

Alone in the

Whole universe

Blinded by the

Absolute darkness,

Frozen by the

Absolute cold

Engulfed by the

Absolute void

I feel myself

Extended

Towards infinity

And

Dissipated

Towards nothingness

Sucked by the infinity

Absorbed by the void

Trying to encompass

The infinite void

The absolute cold

Leaches at

My vital warmth,

Drains me of my life

The absolute darkness

Denies me the awareness

Of the outside world,

Makes a mockery

Of my own existence

My little hawk

2009-07-30T06:14:00.001-07:00

My little hawk

I would jess you

Put a hood over your head

Tie a rope to your talon

Train you to seek food

Only from me

And thus bind you to me

Oh my little hawk

But, my little hawk,

I would thus demean my soul

I would thus pervert your nature

I would rob us both of happiness

And the ties that would bind us

Would be but impure

So, my little hawk

I find that for both our sakes

I really have to let you fly free

And pray

My little hawk

Pray

Pray that

Every so often

Of your own accord

When you do so choose

You come to land in my perch

And, my little hawk

When that happens

I have to feed you with my love

And delight in the radiance of your presence

Fly

My little hawk

Fly free

And

When

You want

Come back...

Uma mansão vitoriana

2009-07-30T06:13:00.001-07:00

Uma mansão vitoriana

A uma escala não humana

Com as dimensões de uma catedral

Cada divisão uma nave

Esmagadoramente ampla

Esparsamente mobilada

E a mobília também a uma escala errada

Demasiado pequena

Mobília de uma escola

Para crianças ou anões

Também as paredes estão pobremente decoradas

Um quadro aqui, um quadro ali,

E a uma altura desconfortável

O pescoço dói

Se os tentarmos observar.

Mas tanto os quadros como a mobília

Estão cobertos por panos

Que de brancos que já foram

São agora de um cinzento bafiento

Com o tempo que passou

E os quadros e a mobília

E o chão das divisões e dos corredores

E até as paredes

Estão cobertos por camadas geológicas de pó

Verdadeiros depósitos sedimentares

Uma figura vagueia sem rumo

Absorvida em coisa nenhuma

Os seus passos que ressoam cavos

Despoletam ecos que reverberam e se ampliam e se multiplicam

Dando a ilusão de multidões que deambulam

A casa está assombrada

Mas não por um fantasma localizado

Antes por uma presença difusa mas omnipresente

Tão prevalente como

O próprio ar que se respira

Um fantasma que exerce pressão sobre a pele

Que penetra pelos poros desta até à carne e aos ossos

Que penetra pelas vias respiratórias e que afoga

E que circula com o sangue e que infiltra todo o ser

Até que a nossa substância se dilui na dele

É o fantasma de um grande amor

Um amor não correspondido, nem sequer reconhecido

Alguém que nem sequer sabia

Que quem o amava sequer existia

Ou pelo menos não o admitia

Uma presença avassaladora

Opressiva e invasiva

Que nos preenche com o seu desdém.

Alguém que nos enche

Com o quanto não quer saber de nós.

Selva tropical

2009-07-30T06:12:00.000-07:00

Arvore altas, arvores médias, arvores baixas,

Copa,

Lianas e trepadeiras,

Plantas rasteiras,

Cortina impenetrável de vegetação

Impossível de atravessar.

Camadas e camadas de folhas

Imbricadas como telhas de um telhado

Impedem a luz de passar

Sombra crepuscular omnidireccional

Que os padrões reticulados de luz

De um verde doentio

Só servem para acentuar o efeito deprimente.

Calor e humidade avassaladoramente abafadores,

Dando a impressão que vão cozer a carne em vapor.

Deserto.

2009-07-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

Paisagem ondulada, opressiva na sua monotonia,

De dunas rolantes mas fixas

Que se estendem até ao horizonte

Nem uma rocha nem um sinal de vida

Quebra a monotonia do olhar.

Calor seco

Que parece assar a pele

Seco,

Que suga a humidade através dos poros da pele

Até que o próprio sangue coagula nas veias

As células mirram

O corpo mumifica.

Slurry of slush

2009-07-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

Slurry of slush

Spring meltdown

On the glacial front

Flurries of rivulets

Disgorge themselves

On the adjoining valley

Slurries of slush

Crazily flowing

Icy water

Carrying in suspension

Ice particles

In all shapes and sizes

Like cells in serum

Flowing in blood vessels

Except cold

Icily, freezing, cold

It also carries

Stone and rock particles

Coarse sediments

Of all shapes and sizes

Water too fast, too powerful

For them to settle down yet

The pervasive cold

Oppresses you from outside

Insinuates inside

And freezes you thoroughly

Both from the outside and within

Until you become frozen

First solid, then brittle

An icicle

In spring meltdown

Then the water

Flowing around you

And all the particles in suspension

Abrade you like sandpaper

Eat at you

Bit by bit

Until you disintegrate completely

Into your elemental particles

That are carried away by the stream

In a slurry of slush

Inverno na Antárctida.

2009-07-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

Planície infindável, infindavelmente plana, desprovida de qualquer relevo

De gelo e neve de espessura e textura monotonamente constante.

Noite constante

Dias e dias em que não há dia,

Em que o sol nunca se levanta,

Escuridão permanente, sem apelo nem agravo,

Frio opressivo, insidioso, avassalador,

Inimigo da vida,

Oprime a pele,

Insinuasse nos músculos e até à medula dos ossos,

Congela o sangue nas artérias e nas veias,

Cristaliza a agua nas células,

Cristais de gelo que dilaceram as células.

Idade glaciar

2009-07-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

Primeiro veio o frio

Esmagador

Paralisante

Frio suficiente

Para tudo congelar

Inimigo da vida

Depois veio o glaciar

Uma massa gargântua de gelo

Imparável

Como uma lixa

Removeu

Todos os traços de vida da paisagem

Poder de abrasão tal

Que até a geografia alterou

Roeu montanhas

Preencheu vales

Até que nada ficou

Que uma massa

Gargântua e uniforme

De gelo

Depois

O gelo recuou

E ficou a sua ausência

Omnipresente na paisagem

Paisagem vastamente simplificada

Montanhas polidas

E reduzidas a cotos

Vales preenchidos

Com moreias de pedra

Terra nua

Que as pedras dispersas

Só acentuam a nudez

Desprovida de vida

E ainda

O frio

Opressivo

Insinuante

Tirânico